my 20's: the story behind the story

By: Abigail Dodds
blogging, everyday, 8 Comments on my 20's: the story behind the story

I’ve had an eventful decade.

My 20’s are rapidly coming to a close and here’s my just-the-facts-ma’am recap of them:

age 20: Start dating Tom and get engaged to him. Begin attending BBC.

age 21: Become Mrs. Thomas Dodds, move into the house on Portland Ave.  Encourage Tom to start his own business. Start a small group in our home.

age 22: Graduate from Bethel College and begin (and end) my short stint at a pro-life organization.

Become pregnant and give birth to Eliza Grace. Become a mom to a baby girl. Practice life without an income.

age 23: Practice being a wife and mom. Start to see growth in Tom’s business. Say goodbye to my best friend who moves away.

age 24: Become pregnant. Move to the house on Grouse Hollow. Give birth to Seth Thomas. Become a mom to a baby boy.

age 25: Become pregnant for a third time. Keep practicing the wife and mom thing. Say goodbye to Tom’s Grandma Ione, who passed away.

age 26: Give birth to Elianna Faith. Become a mom to a baby girl, for the second time. Start another small group in our home.

age 27: Tom informs me I’m 90% of the way to 30 yrs old. Keep on keepin’ on with the wife and mom gig. Say goodbye to my Grandpa Rodney, who passed away. Live through a massive hail storm that caused damage to our home, narrowly avoid a tornado.

age 28: Become pregnant for the fourth time. Say goodbye to that little one in the summer due to miscarriage. Become pregnant for a fifth time.

age 29: Give birth to Evangeline Joy. Become a mom to a baby girl, for the third  time.

So, there are the facts of the matter. But there is a hidden story that’s missing from these facts. The story behind the story.

There is truth that is missing from these facts. And this truth is the most important part of my 20’s. It’s the true story that shows how God has kept me during this past decade. He really has kept me. He has hidden me in the shadow of His wing.

Here are a few of the ways He’s kept me, the story behind the story:

The Lord kept me through many great friendships, and, what felt like no friendships. He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

The Lord kept me through years of no income and years of plentiful income. He is my Portion forever.

The Lord kept me through times of depression and times of joy. He is my Strength and the Lifter of my Head.

The Lord kept me through days of birth and days of death. He is the Good Giver and the Wise Taker.

The Lord kept me through doubts and confidence. He is my Comfort who is over all and in all and through all.

The Lord kept me through city life and suburb life. Nothing can separate me from His Love. Where can I hide from His presence?

The Lord kept me through single life and married life. He is the God who grants our participation in His mysterious metaphors.

The Lord kept me through mothering magic and mayhem. He gently leads those who are with young.

Ultimately, the Lord has kept me His own. He has caused me to persevere in every circumstance because He is the Good Shepherd and no one can snatch me out of His hand.  I persevere because of His faithfulness, not my own.

So, I have a great many hopes for my 30’s. I hope that I will be less weak. More steady. Less selfish. More selfless. Less fearful. More bold.

And at the core of my hope is Jesus. I hope in Him, because He is the One “who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy.” I put my hope in “the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Jude 1:24

So long 20’s.  It was a ride.

how children are provoked to anger, and what to do instead

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, everyday, family, kiddos, , , 5 Comments on how children are provoked to anger, and what to do instead

Mark Altrogge at The Blazing Center had this insightful list of ways that children are provoked to anger. It was very helpful for me.

Here’s what he had to say about how children are provoked to anger:

“- By constantly criticizing them and not encouraging them.  When they feel they can never please us enough.
– By having double standards – Do as I say, not as I do.  Expecting them to do things we don’t do, e.g. ask forgiveness, humble themselves, etc.
– By anger and harshness
– By a lack of affection
– By telling them what to do or not do without giving Biblical reasons (e.g., Do it because I said to do it, or because it’s just wrong).
– By being offended at their sin because it bothers us, not because it offends God.
– By comparing them to others (Why can’t you act like your sister?)
– By hypocrisy – acting like a Christian at church but not at home
– By embarrassing them (correcting, mocking or expressing disappointment in them in front of others)
– By always lecturing them and never listening to them
– By disciplining them for childishness or weakness, not for sin
– By failing to ask their forgiveness when we sin against them
– By pride – failing to receive humble correction from our spouses or our children when we sin.
– By self-centered reactions to their sin (How could you do this to ME?)
– By ungracious reactions to their sin (What were you thinking?  Why in the world would you do that?)
– By forgetting that we were (and are) sinners (I would NEVER have done that when I was your age).

May God give us gracious, gentle, humble, affectionate hearts toward our children.”

Reading this makes me pray, pray and pray some more that Jesus would work in my kids’ lives despite their mom’s sins. I thought it would be helpful to turn this list into a positive “to do,” to go along with the “not-to-do.”  Sometimes I do better when I have a target to aim at, not only a boogey man to avoid. Both are good.

So, “Let us consider how to stir up one another (esp. our children) to love and good works.. encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24

Here’s the “how-to version” to stir up our children to love and good works:

– By encouraging them and letting them know how pleased and delighted we are with them. By pointing out the grace of God in their daily life.

– By setting an example in our daily walk with the Lord. Modeling humility. By expecting the same standard out of ourselves as we do out of our children.

– By being loving and brokenhearted when they sin. By sacrificing our own comfort and to-do list for the day to bring them back to fellowship with us and the family.

– By open and tender affection.

– By showing them examples from the Bible that they can understand and identify with to lead them towards the Lord.

– By being brokenhearted (not in a manipulative way) about their sin, because of its offense to God, yet being hopeful for their growth.

– By seeing them as uniquely formed and made by God for a purpose.

– By being consistent in our walk with God and our attitude toward them.

– By honoring them privately and, on occasion, publicly.

– By listening to their side and hearing the heart underneath.

– By bearing with their weaknesses and childishness. By being consistent in discipline for sin.

– By asking for forgiveness when we sin against them.

– By humbly receiving correction from our spouse or our children when we sin.

– By reacting to their sin with a concern for their soul.

– By graciously responding to their sin with firmness and lion-hearted love.

– By remembering who we were and who we are: fellow sinners with our children and (hopefully) co-heirs of Jesus with them as well.

a new book on depression

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, culture, everyday, , , 4 Comments on a new book on depression

Here’s a book I’m looking forward to reading. It’s called Christians Get Depressed Too by David Murray. I’m hoping it expresses some of what is needed in the conversation about Christians and depression.

Dr. Wes Bredenhof reviews the book saying this:

“There is a perception out there that depression is, at its roots, a spiritual problem.  According to this perception, people become depressed because they have done something sinful.  A true and faithful Christian would never get depressed.  Part of Murray’s burden in this book is to dismantle that perception.  He does that with an open Bible, explaining how godly believers in both Testament struggled with this problem.

The author goes on to outline how complex depression is – there are no trite and easy answers.  He describes the problem in a way that will be helpful for those trying to understand it.  He also gives hope, comfort, and help for those who are suffering.  Again, all of this is grounded in the Word of God.  Yes, Murray believes that Christians can learn from medical science and he attempts to incorporate some of those insights into this book.  He is also firmly convinced that medication can not only alleviate symptoms, but also address the causes of depression in many cases.”

Sounds good.

When God provides means through common grace (via counseling or medicine) to help us in our human state for something like depression, we should accept with thanks. That is God’s grace and healing.

One thing that I’ve often heard suggested from fellow believers as a means to improve depression is a change of diet or to begin taking a particular natural supplement. Sometimes these same people are leery of what modern medicine might suggest for depressed people, like an anti-depressant. There is an irony in this. They believe it valid to change the biology of your body through a new diet or “natural” pill (with no provable tests results showing success), but consider it less valid (less holy?) to change the biology of your body through a drug, that has been tested, peer-reviewed and proven effective for severe depression.

My hope is that this book affords depressed Christians the same love the Lord affords them. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.” Poor in spirit. Mourning. Meek. They are blessed. Let’s learn from depressed people instead of relegating them to “struggling” Christian and taking pot shots at prozac from the pulpit.

There is much to learn about God and ourselves from those who have walked in the dark valleys.

Bredenhoff goes on to say:

“I’ve read and reviewed several books on this subject over the years.  I’ve learned that depression is a dark and ugly consequence of the fall into sin.  It is no less a part of this world of dysfunction than is cancer.  At the same, I’ve learned (and Murray’s book has reinforced this) that depression reminds us of how little we know about the workings of the human brain and how it relates to our non-material aspect (our soul).  Finally, I’ve become convinced that God brings trials (including depression) our way so as to shape, teach, and lead us.  This little book brings us back to the Word through which that all happens.”

I can’t endorse a book I haven’t read, but the review sure sounds good.

HT: Challies

what vomit under the Christmas tree teaches me about the Glorious Incarnation

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, everyday, , 4 Comments on what vomit under the Christmas tree teaches me about the Glorious Incarnation

It’s been a long couple months at the Dodds’ house.

From German yellow jackets nesting between our ceiling and floor to washers and water heaters on the fritz to being rear ended at a stop sign to the stomach flu taking us out one by one over the course of a month and a half.   I feel like we’ve been through the ringer.

And Tuesday, the 21st, as I’m thinking of the million and one things I still have to do before Christmas arrives, our son walks into my bathroom with a face as white as snow with the sad tale of having not made it to the bowl.  Hence the vomit under the Christmas tree.  Poor guy.

So, I commence clean up, unwrapping presents covered with the unspeakable stuff and start to wonder what this is all about anyway.  I start going over all the things we’re supposed to do that we may not now be able to do this Christmas.  And, thanks be to God, I remember Jesus.

Jesus, who came to earth in the only way any of us do.  In a mess.  Maybe Mary vomited during his birth.  Who knows.  But I don’t have to wonder whether it was messy or not.  I’ve given birth enough times to know about that.

Perhaps Jesus was a little 4 year old who didn’t make it to the bowl, and spoiled his family’s plans for the day.  He certainly wouldn’t have been sinning if that were the case.  He would have simply been human.

And yet, for having entered humanity, He never lessened His glory.  His glory wasn’t compromised by a messy birth or intestinal disruption.  Somehow, the fact that He came in flesh and bore with our weaknesses increases His glory.  We see more of who He is because of it.

Yesterday I read on Desiring God a quote from Martin Lloyd Jones,

Jesus Christ has not been changed into a man; it is the eternal Person who has come in the flesh. That is the right way to put it.

It’s refreshing for me to remember that Jesus is a Person.  The Person.  The Perfect Adam.  The Glorious Incarnation in a vomit-filled world.

God, in His infinite grace to His daughter, teaches me more about Christmas through vomit under the Christmas tree than by having everything fall into place the way I had planned.

So that’s what I’m thinking about this Christmas.  The presents will be wrapped in clean paper.  The kids will get better.  The car will be fixed.  All things will one day be made right.  But the biggest thing has already been made right.  God the Man has come to Earth to save people from their sins.

Bought.  Paid for.  Loved.  Forgiven.  Free.  That’s who I am this Christmas.

All because of a messy birth 2,000 years ago.

loving common grace

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, everyday, 3 Comments on loving common grace

I’ve taken common grace for granted.  I’ve let it become ordinary, expected and impersonal.

But today, I’m reminded that common grace is personal.  It’s personal because it’s happening to me, personally, and given from God, who knows me and loves me.

It’s easy for me to make His common grace seem cheap because it’s happening to everybody.  For instance, the sun is warming my feet through the window as I type and when I look outside it’s like my eyeballs are having an inner itch scratched.  The same thing might be happening to thousands of other people in my state alone.  And His common grace is particular for a thousand people in a thousand different ways.

The commonality doesn’t lessen the expression of love that the sun is for me from Him.  It’s still personal.  Why?  Because He’s making my toes warm.  He knows they’re cold.  He’s scratching my inner eyeball itch with the bright sunshine.  He knows my eyeballs like bright light.

And when a storm comes and scares me witless, it’s a personal storm with a message of trust and repentance for me.  Because He knows my sin and my need to trust.  The fact that He is doing something the same or different for everyone else with a common experience doesn’t change His acting in my life with particular purposes and grace.

Common grace is common, but it isn’t ordinary.  It’s common, but it isn’t impersonal.

And let me say this.  It’s personal, but it doesn’t revolve around me.  God acting particularly to effect me, doesn’t make me the center of the universe.  He is.  He’s doing it for a million people in a million ways because He is glorious, not because we are.

So here’s His common grace for me today.  This is the view from here. What does His common grace look like at your house today?

 

reflections from the middle; I love The Two Towers.

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, everyday, family7 Comments on reflections from the middle; I love The Two Towers.

I’m not sure when it happened, just recently I suppose, but I have entered a middle stage of life.  The beginning of the middle is what I’d call it.

My marriage is in the middle.  8 years doesn’t qualify us as newlyweds, but we haven’t been married long enough to have much street cred.  We’ve been married long enough to know each others’ flaws, but not long enough to have made total peace with them.  We’ve been married long enough that when we see googly-eyed engaged couples, we know we were that stupid once.  And we also know that we love each other way more now than we did then.

My mothering is in the middle.  Yes, I have a newborn, but I also have a 6 1/2 year old.  I know enough to know I don’t know much.  I know enough to know I can’t take all the credit for their pro’s or all the heat for their con’s.  I also know enough to know I have to keep trying.  Keep training in the instruction of the Lord.  The results aren’t in yet.

My friendships are in the middle.  Old friends are far away.  The memories of life with them have grown sweeter as time has marched on.  New friends have morphed into middle friends.  They haven’t yet gained the trust and security of old friends, but the time of discovery about similarities and differences has past.  The tipping point has either come or is coming.  They will either hang in there and head toward old friend status, or pull up and become peripheral.

The middle is tricky.  And I’m quick to think of it as my least favorite part when compared with the beginning and the end.  But then I remember The Two Towers.

You know, the part where Frodo and Sam wander and persevere through Mordor.  The part where Merry finds his courage.  The part where the ents make their final march. The part where Aragorn discovers his strength and leads them to victory at Helms Deep.  The part where Arwen keeps the faith for Aragorn, even though they are separated.  The part where Legolas and Gimli forge a bond that overcomes prejudice.  The part where Pip says, “The closer we are to danger, the farther we are from harm.  It’s the last thing he’ll expect.” Yeah.  That part.  I love that part.

The middle is the best part.  It’s where the action happens.  It’s the part that you look back on later and relish.

Or, as my parents tell me, “These are the good old days.”

So, here’s to “the building years.”  Call it what you will, I say, saddle up.  Time to enjoy the middle.

to serve is to suffer

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, culture, everyday, family, , 3 Comments on to serve is to suffer

“..people like John Calvin and Martin Luther had a dizzying variety of responsibilities, so that they could only use their gifts in the fog of fatigue. Yet the fruits of their labor as leaders and writers still bless the church.”

-Ajith Fernando writing for CT in his article, To Serve is to Suffer

This is true even for lowly stay-home moms.  With schooling at home fast approaching, sleepless nights due to an almost three year old (the newborn sleeps just fine:), and life pressing in with aching bodies and crazy schedules, my “gifts” are often, if not always, used in the fog of fatigue.

I pray there will be enough of Christ’s grace over my daily work that some of it will survive the testing fires and be useful for the church: my family, my small group, my friends, etc.

He goes one to say:

“The New Testament is clear that those who work for Christ will suffer because of their work. Tiredness, stress, and strain may be the cross God calls us to. Paul often spoke about the physical hardships his ministry brought him, including emotional strain (Gal. 4:19; 2 Cor. 11:28), anger (2 Cor. 11:29), sleepless nights and hunger (2 Cor. 6:5), affliction and perplexity (2 Cor. 4:8), and toiling—working to the point of weariness (Col. 1:29). In statements radically countercultural in today’s “body conscious” society, he said, “Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day” (2 Cor. 4:16)”

Paul’s sacrifice puts my miniscule one into perspective.  I need to get up, be thankful for sleepless nights with children (it means I’m enjoying the gift of having children), put my arms to cheerful action, teach, clean, instruct, love, work, serve.  Expect difficulty and persevere.

Preaching to myself this morning, folks.

the ministry of being normal

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, culture, everyday, 3 Comments on the ministry of being normal

Michael McKinley of 9Marks via JT:

“As Chrisitans, we should expect persecution for our faith.  For most of us in the West, that takes the form of being ostracized and rejected in fairly minor ways (compared to being beaten or killed or imprisoned).

But I think sometimes the world rejects us not because we are like Jesus, but because we’re jerks or weirdos.  If we go out of our way to remind people of our moral superiority, if we always insist that people who don’t love God should be expected to act like they do… then we deserve whatever rejection we get.  They’re really not rejecting Jesus, they are rejecting us.

So I sometimes talk to my church about the “ministry of being normal”.  As believers, we are necessarilly going to have a lot of distance between us and those who don’t follow Christ.  We live differently, love differently, hope differently.  We’re citizens of a different country.

But it might be helpful if we limit the distance between us and the world in a lot of other ways.  We don’t have to flaunt our lack of a TV and be weird and preachy about grinding your own grain.  That only serves to put unnecessary distance between us and the people we’re trying to reach.  Instead, we should try to engage the world around us, know what our neighbors care about, and try to inhabit the same universe they do.

If they are going to persecute us, let it at least be for things that really have something to do with being a Christian.”

I agree.

teaching children to fear God and trust Him during a storm

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, everyday, family, kiddos, , 5 Comments on teaching children to fear God and trust Him during a storm

We had severe thunderstorms with tornado sightings close by just a couple nights ago.

The kids know what the tornado sirens mean and are simultaneously excited and scared when they hear them.  On Saturday they rushed around grabbing their most beloved stuffed animals before racing downstairs to watch Dave Dahl and the weather radar on channel 5 (Dave is hands-down the best weather guy in the Twin Cities).

The sky turned dark and things seemed very still as we waited for the wind and rain.  Then it was upon us.  I could see our birch tree in front bent over practically in half.

Here’s an opportunity to help our kids fear God and trust Him.  And here’s a list of ways to do that:

1) Affirm that, yes, God is behind this storm.  He created and controls the weather.

Genesis 1:1 In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

Isaiah 44:24 Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, who formed you from the womb: “I am the LORD, who made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself..

2) Affirm that, yes, the weather is scary and God is not a pansy God.  He is not gumdrops and sugarplums.  He is to be feared.  He holds our lives and tornadoes in His hands.

Psalm 66:16 Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for my soul.

Psalm 40:3 Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.

3) This storm is an expression of God’s love and grace for those who are in Christ Jesus.  This is not God’s wrath on us, even if it were to topple our home and take our lives.  We are protected from His wrath, because when we trust in Jesus and His work on the cross, we are now counted righteous and beloved in Christ.

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 5:9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.

4) God is gracious, not only to His children, but to all people.  We can thank Him for His common grace in things like weather radars and tornado sirens and basements and cell phones and flash lights.

Psalm 145:9 The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.

5) As we rightly fear God, we are pushed to trust Him and run to Him for refuge.  Our God is a refuge.  He is an ever-present Help in times of trouble.

Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

6) Our God, the ever-present Help, hears us as we call to Him in prayer.  What an opportunity for kids to find their comfort in God as they pray to Him amid strong feelings of fear.

Psalm 18:6 In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.

I think the temptation we have as parents is to say to our kids, “It’s ok.  Nothing bad is going to happen.  God will protect us from this storm.”  Which, on the concrete level that kids operate on, is unmistakably false and deep down they know it.

They know that we can’t guarantee that the storm won’t knock our house down.  They’re children, they’re not stupid.

On a deeper level, it’s true, but incomplete.  “Nothing bad is going to happen.. because we trust that even things we feel as bad, God is working for our good for those who love Him.”  And, “God will protect us from this storm.. because we trust in Jesus for the forgiveness of our sins and salvation of our soul even if we were to die tonight.”

My challenge as a parent is to gently show them the true God of the Bible and not make up a God that is palatable for them (or me).  They need to see that God is to be feared and trusted.  They need to be in awe of God as they run to hide in the shadow of His wing.

If they don’t get this when they’re young, making sense of the fearsome acts of the Old Testament may shake their faith as adults.  And Jesus’ bold and penetrating way of talking in the New Testament will be indecipherable for them.

Our children watch us to see how we respond in scary situations.  So, perhaps the biggest thing we can do is give them a peek at what’s going on inside of us.  Let them see that our faith is not theoretical, it’s real.

Here’s a photo of a bad storm from 2 summers ago.  We had to replace our siding, but the kids thought the hail was amazing!!!