the lynchpin of deep, lasting friendship: commitment.

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, everyday, , 9 Comments on the lynchpin of deep, lasting friendship: commitment.

Think of your closest and oldest friend.

How is that you are still friends with that person after years and years of life changes, moves, babies, marriages, conflicts, sin, and intrusions?  Or maybe a better question is: do you have a friend with which you’ve experienced a range of life and disagreements and have still maintained an uncommonly close bond?  If not, why not?

I think the reason we don’t experience deep and lasting friendships is absence of commitment.  It’s like if you were simply shacking up with your husband instead of in a committed covenant.  It wouldn’t make for a very trusting relationship.  I think the same is true for friendship.  And yes, it matters what that commitment’s foundation is: namely Christ and the cross.

Real friendship cannot begin until the question of commitment is settled.  If you’re not sure I’m committed to you and our friendship, no matter what you may do or have done, then you’ll never risk the kind of sharing and loving and living life together that reveals who you are with me. (I’m not suggesting friendship with no conditions, but as few as possible Biblically).

I think this is what stunts our friendships in the body of Christ at the more shallow levels (especially at large churches).  We end up with 100 friends all of whom have seen the best of us, none of whom really know us.

True friendship is hindered when we can’t be certain that we won’t be dropped for another friend who’s a little more charismatic, witty, and enjoyable.

Because if you really knew me, you’d know I’m boring 75% of the time.  And unless you’re committed to me, you’re not going to hang out at my house all day when my dull personality is on display.

Unless you’ve decided your love for me is constant, you won’t endure the conflicts that happen; or the times of sorrow; or the moments of drama.  You won’t care enough to point me to Christ in my sin.  You’ll trade it in for the next new shiny friendship that comes along with all it’s start-up excitement and fun.

And if I’m not committed to you, I’ll shut-down the moment I think you’ve drifted away.  I’ll quit caring and quit pursuing.  I’ll decide it’s not worth the trouble and look for friendship elsewhere.  I won’t invite you over, because I’ll think you’re the kind of friend who needs my “A” game to enjoy time together, when all I’ve got today is a sub-par “C” game.

I think of David and Jonathan whose friendship was a soul-uniting commitment unparalleled in the Bible.  I think of Ruth whose commitment to Naomi and her God made her a direct ancestor to Jesus!  What freedom from fear there is in commitment!

Being a part of the body of Christ is an amazingly high calling.  It’s so high it baffles me.  And to think that we are to be committed to the body in such a life-altering way is overwhelming.  But what freedom there is in a commitment based on Christ and the Cross!!!  Commitment means whether near or far, the love and relationship remains, because it’s based on something bigger than location.

It means I’m called to love and live life with those God puts directly in my path.  It means I can lovingly say goodbye to those people when they move far away.  It means we never have to form cliques.  It means we can embrace new friendships, because they don’t threaten the old ones.

Paradoxically, commitment based on the cross means we’re more willing to let go of people.  We hold onto them loosely, knowing that we are bound in Christ forever.  The very commitment that knits our lives together in Christ, also allows that knitting together to be disrupted for the sake of Christ, trusting that we are one in Him for eternity.

I’m thanking God for the friends He’s given me that are committed to our friendship.  Not a commitment based on my worth, but on Christ’s.

One more thing: Check out a insightful post about friendship and indebtedness by Andy.

note to self: be a drop-out.

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, confessions, everyday, family, , 5 Comments on note to self: be a drop-out.

I sporadically participate in a competitive world of comparisons.

Note to self: drop out.

This is a plague for moms of every stripe.  Especially young moms with young kids (I think anyway, but who knows maybe it infects the moms with older kids too).

It’s as simple as seeing another child do well at something and, instead of rejoicing for them and moving on, we check to see how our child measures up and are either happy or disappointed at the result.

Or perhaps we see the deftness with which another mom disciplines her kids and we immediately begin to think of what we would have done and find that we fall very short.

So, I say it’s time to drop out of the competitive comparison rat race.  I’ve only dropped out a ga-zillion times before.  But somehow, without realizing it I find myself re-enlisted.

I need to love my kids more by not basing their success on the observation of other individuals who are very different from them in every respect.  Instead  I should focus on who God has made my children to be and expect growth, not perfection.

The same goes for myself.  Concentrate on growth in who God has made me to be.  Cling to Jesus’ sufficiency.

And the dirty little secret is that when we base our children’s success or worth on a standard outside the Bible, such as the measure of other children, we are not loving our kids, we are using them to fulfill our own need and desire for happiness in them through their good behavior or achievement.  We are observing what we think will bring us happiness in the behavior or achievement of other people’s children and applying it to our own kids.

The Bible tells us our children are valuable because God made them.  They are gifts to us.

Plus, the standard of “other people’s children” or the way “other parent’s parent” will never be a high enough standard.  We will be selling ourselves short of the biblical mandates that are the BEST for us and come with the power of Christ working in us to help us in our weaknesses!

I will make a disclaimer here, however, that not all comparisons are bad.  Only the bad ones are bad.  The ones that make you upset with who God has made you and your children to be.  The ones that stir up discontentment and produce smugness or condemnation or apathy.

There is a type of comparison that stirs us up to love and good deeds, that inspires, strengthens and convicts.  I know this kind of comparison because it happens when we are surrounded by people who want the best for us and our kids and who we experience unconditional love with and for.

This good “comparing,” or observing, models for us Biblical commandment-keeping in action.

It happens when I see the families in our small group lovingly parent their kids towards Christ and obedience and I’m inspired and grow in my love for God and for my kids.  Or when I see another mom, humble and lowly, not using her kids to show-off (Lord forgive me for the times I’ve done this), simply nurturing them in the instruction of the Lord.

Comparisons are complicated.  If we’re engaged in them in order to make ourselves feel good about ourselves, the opposite will eventually happen; we’ll feel deficient and we’ll see our children as deficient (and if we don’t smugness and ugliness will overtake us).  But if we look at what godly brothers and sisters do with an attitude of humility, love and learning, we will learn and grow and love.

So, yep, I’m a drop-out.  But just of that bad, competitive kind of comparing.  The other kind I’ll keep: it’s valuable stuff!

where were you?

By: Abigail Dodds
culture, politics, 2 Comments on where were you?

8 years ago today, I was getting ready to go to my racquetball class during my second year at Bethel College. It was early in the morning and I was watching the news (as usual).

I left for the short walk to the courts. After about thirty minutes of playing our coach called us together to tell us that he just had a phone call saying that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. He led us in prayer together, then dismissed us.

I rushed back to the apartment on campus where my roommates and I lived and flipped the TV back on. The reporters were nervously speculating about how it was possible for a plane to crash into the WTC.

Then, I watched as a second plane crashed into the towers.

As everyone who was watching at that moment knows, it is very hard to describe the feelings being felt at that time. Suffice to say, there was no more speculation. Everyone knew that this was no freak accident.

I continued to watch, sickeningly, as the towers collapsed one by one. Then came the phone calls from family and friends to check in and process.

I am thankful that no more attacks have happened in these 8 years. I’m thankful for the men and women who sacrifice to keep us safe. God is merciful.

So, where were you?

gay ice cream?

By: Abigail Dodds
culture, politics, , 5 Comments on gay ice cream?

The Hubby Hubby tub feautures a picture of two men getting married

Ben & Jerry’s is celebrating Vermont’s legislation for gay marriage.  They’re changing the name of their Chubby Hubby ice cream to Hubby Hubby for the month.

I am saddened.  While they peddle homosexuality as fun rainbow-y party with no consequences (not just bereft of consequence, but a noble cause of equal rights), we should be reminded of the stark contrast with which the Bible speaks of this sin, and every sin.

Can you imagine if other sins were glorified in this way?  They might have “cheating chocolate” ice cream or “let’s shoplift sherbet” or “slander sundaes.”  It’s not ok to glorify sin.  And it is ok to be outraged by it.  As long as we’re willing to look at our own areas of sin and do battle with them while we call others to a higher standard.

So, Hubby Hubby ice cream.  Another call for repentance.  Not just for gays, but for all of us.  Let’s remind ourselves of the true meaning of God’s rainbow and praise Him today that He keeps His promises and tremble at His justice in doing so.

frozen embryos: awaiting demise or continued life

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, politics, , , 1 Comment on frozen embryos: awaiting demise or continued life

Al Mohler takes a look at what he calls the “disposition decision” in regard to frozen embryos:

For those whose progeny are now frozen in fertility clinics, the “disposition decision” will eventually have to be made. The decision about the eventual disposition of these human embryos will reveal what these couples truly believe about human dignity and the sanctity of human life. On the larger landscape, the pattern of these decisions and the policies adopted by medical practitioners will reveal the soul of our culture as well.

Mohler discusses just some of the many complications surrounding frozen embryos:

Advances in IVF technology now project the potential that frozen embryos could be successfully transferred into a womb years or even decades after fertilization. For the first time in human history, this allows for a form of generational confusion human beings have never encountered before. Quite literally, an embryo from a genetic ancestor generation could potentially be transferred into a womb and gestate, thus being born after the generation of what would be considered his or her grandchildren.

Mohler reports that patients fall all across the board when asked to rank the moral status of their frozen embryos from minimum moral status to maximum moral status. Some view the embryos as a back-up plan should anything happen to the children they currently have.

According to a study published in Fertility and Sterility, very few patients are willing to have their embryos adopted.

And then there are those very few patients on the other end who are willing to give their embryos for scientific research.

Mohler says:

A significant number of patients are deciding to “thaw” their embryos and allow their demise. Hauntingly, Merrill writes of some patients and couples who understand clearly enough that these embryos are of some moral significance, and some patients express a desire for some ceremony to accompany the demise of their embryonic progeny.

For the vast majority of patients, the current decision is to make no decision at all. This condition will not last, for the reproductive technology industry faces logistical, moral, financial, and technological limitations to the indefinite storage of what may even now be more than a million human embryos that are never to be transferred into wombs.

This issue is challenging me to think of ways in which the Christian community can work to save these small embryos.  The very beginning of life is frozen in labs all over the USA.  Many are being thawed and discarded.  Do we care?  What will we do to change it?