what were you supposed to do?

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, culture, everyday, questions, , 5 Comments on what were you supposed to do?

So often we have what we want to do, then we have what we train to do, and finally we have what we actually do.

It’s great if the first and last match up, regardless of what comes in the middle.

I wanted to do a great many things, but mostly I wanted to be a wife and a mom.  And that’s what I am.  But what was I supposed to do according to my training?  I have degrees in writing and political science.  I worked briefly at a pro-life lobby and education group after I graduated, which fit my training perfectly, as I did writing and research for them (along with any other menial jobs that were around to do).

Then I started having babies and that part of life was done.  At least in the work-for-pay realm of existence.

Lots of people train for one thing and end up doing something entirely unrelated.  Some people long to be something, but feel the need to have a practical degree.  Women who desire to be homemakers often get degrees that they feel will be practical if Mr. Wonderful doesn’t show up.

And for those who do end up with the coveted Mrs. degree, they are sometimes made to feel that their education was a waste, since now all they do is stay home.  I’ve never felt that way.  I think my education has been useful in every way, even if I don’t earn money under the pretense of it.

Mr. TommyD has degrees in computer science and physics, but he really doesn’t use either.  He runs a business, and although it is in the technology industry, he doesn’t work on computers himself.

So, what were you supposed to do?  Does it line up with what you really do?  How do you account for it?  Does it feel like a waste or a kind Providence?

the teacher I never knew I was

By: Abigail Dodds
confessions, everyday, family, homeschool, 6 Comments on the teacher I never knew I was

I never wanted to be a teacher.

Not ever.

When I was a kid and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I never said “teacher.”  I looked at my many friends pursuing teaching degrees in college with a mixture of pity and wonderment.  Pity because of all the busy work in those horrid education classes*.  And wonderment because, to me, it was the height of self-sacrifice.

When I was 10 or so and my best friend would set up “school” for us to play, it took all the enthusiasm I could muster to go along.  She’d happily stand at the front with ruler in hand pointing at the board, going over lesson after lesson, while I’d sit on the floor, the dutiful student waiting for school to get out.

Now that I’m a homeschooling mom, teaching is my life.  Let’s face it, if you’re a mom, period, teaching is a big part of your life, even if you’re not homeschooling.  Everything about having kids involves teaching.

But, shockingly, I love to teach.  There, I said it.  I love to teach my kids.  And no one could be more surprised about it than I am.  Yes, it’s hard work and yadda yadda yadda, but what I didn’t know was that it is also incredibly rewarding and exciting.

I’ve always loved to learn.  I could have stayed in school for a very long time and been quite happy, I think.  Teaching my kids gives me an opportunity to continue learning and it also has pushed my relationship with my kids to levels that I wouldn’t have anticipated.

Looking at curriculum, getting to decide what fits my kids and our family best, reading and reading and reading some more, it’s awakened the teacher in me that I never knew I was.

Having my daughter read a book to me and knowing that I had a hand, the hand, in teaching her to do that, is a reward better than any degree I could earn.  And, at least I got to avoid the busy work!

*Not all teaching degrees require horrid busy work.  That’s just my perception. 🙂

hospitality principles and tips, by an amateur

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, culture, everyday, family17 Comments on hospitality principles and tips, by an amateur

Admittedly, I’m no expert on hospitality.  But, even being the novice that I am, I’ve gleaned some insights over the years that may be helpful for some.

Plus, if hospitality is something you’ve neglected, the holiday season is a great time to dive in and make practicing hospitality a regular occurrence in every season.

And, if nothing else, they’re helpful for me to remind myself.  Sometimes I don’t do what I know I ought.  Motives become convoluted and priorities get misplaced.

So, here are some tips [note: I claim no originality.  I’m certain everything I’m about to write has been said before by people who follow through on them better than I do.]

1) Have people over to your house.  Novel, I know.  But, it’s where it all starts.  If you don’t have people in your home regularly, you may be the most organized, hospitable person in the world and it will all be for naught.

2) Have people over frequently and on short notice.  (I’m not too good at the short notice part).  But, I do force myself to say yes as often as I can to a “short notice” opportunity.  This is incredibly liberating.  It will teach you that you can enjoy someone’s company even when there are dishes in the sink and dust on the mantle.

3) Don’t turn hospitality into “entertaining.”  Entertaining is a code-word for showing-off.  Perfectly clean house, perfectly prepared food, perfectly arranged decor becomes primary.

And at the center of it all is you, the entertainer.  “Look at all that I did and how wonderfully I did it.  Admire my home, my food, my effort,” is the heart of the entertainer, as opposed to the one offering hospitality, who humbly shares all they have out of love for others and God.

4) Don’t let your home be so messy or dirty that it’s a distraction.  This can be just as detrimental as the “entertainer” problem.  As much as people may say it doesn’t matter, having a reasonably-ordered home does matter.  It is uncomfortable to be in a pig sty.

5) Include your guests as part of your family.  Invite them to participate in everything.  If it’s your custom to sing and pray before dinner, fold them into that activity.

6) Let your guests give you a hand.  If your guests ask if they can help with something, let your usual answer be, “Yes!”  There are two reasons to do this: firstly, you probably could use the help, and, secondly, most people feel more comfortable when they’re useful.

7) Have saints and strangers over.  The Bible is explicit that it’s very important to show hospitality to saints (Romans 12:13, 1 Peter 4:9), meaning fellow Christians, and to strangers (Hebrews 13:2).  (Again, I’m bad at the stranger part.  We’ve lived at our home for 4 years and only had strangers over a handful of times).  This takes intentionality and effort.

8) Have large and intimate gatherings.  Have 30 people over, then have 1.

9) Treat all your guests the same when it comes to the work you put into it.  Don’t make everything extra nice for people with status that you admire or rich people and let things go for others.  Do not show favoritism.  Sometimes we do this without realizing it.

10) Be conversational!  Talk!  Share!  Share more than just your food and home, share your very self.  Offer your opinions and ask for other people’s.  Give people a peek at your history and ask about theirs.

11) Invite unlikely and likely people over: the person who is alone or lonely; the person who has a special diet (I need to work on this..); the big family who feels like they put people at an imposition; loud people and quiet people; the person who seems to abound with friends and busy-ness (sometimes these people get overlooked because of these facts); the person who is always having people over to their house (they would probably be blessed by the offer).

12) Don’t be “hospitable” for worldly gain.  If you’re having people over to sell them things or earn free gifts or garner status and connections with someone, it’s not hospitality.  It’s not necessarily wrong to do, it’s just not hospitality.

There are many benefits to being hospitable: meeting neat people, making friends, deepening existing friendships.  The list could go on.  But even these benefits should not be our primary reason for being hospitable.  We are hospitable because of duty (God commands it) and delight (his commands produce godliness and joy in us).  We are hospitable because we genuinely care about others.

Finally, I’ll give this piece of advice, which isn’t about being hospitable, but rather about learning to be a good receiver: accept invitations to other people’s homes when offered and allow them to practice hospitality with you.

I know I missed a million things that should be added to the list.  Anyone want to fill it out for me with a tip or two?

sin produces death through what is good

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, everyday, , Leave a Comment on sin produces death through what is good

Paul says a lot of wonderful and nuanced things in Romans 7.

For instance, he says, “if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin.”  So the law is not sin-producing, but rather, sin-alerting.  And sin, being very sneaky and conniving, seizes “an opportunity through the commandment” to produce all kinds of sin in me.

Then the clarification, “Did that which is good, then, bring death to me?  By no means!  It was sin, producing death in me through what is good..” (7:13a)

I am in complete awe of that verse and how jam-packed it is with meaning that effects me everyday.

The law was good.  It is good.  It is holy and just and loving.  Yet, sin can take a good thing and turn it into an opportunity for sin to abound.  Not just for us to be sin-aware, but for sin to increase!  To be “sinful beyond measure.” (7:14b)

I can think of multiple ways this happens even with the good gifts God gives me on this side of the cross.  The law was given before the cross, and yes, sin seized the chance for sin to abound through the giving of the law.  But after Christ’s death and ressurection, it would seem to me that the gifts from God relating to His body and Christian life would be immune to such sin entanglement.  But I find it isn’t so.

Some of the best gifts given after Christ’s atoning sacrifice, like the fellowship of the body, spiritual gifts of discernment or teaching or service, and many more are all still vunerable to sin’s perversion.  Sin can take the good gift and produce death through what is good.

Now, for those of us in Christ, His righteousness covers us and ultimately death is not produced in us.  He also gives His Spirit to guide and help us in our weaknesses.  We have tools with which to fight the enticements of sin.  And I am so thankful for that.

Left to my sinful flesh, I begin to idolize the gift of fellowship over the Person without whom no fellowship could ever exist.  I start to value spiritual gifts over the subject of which the gifts should be about.  And what’s worse, an attitude of entitlement about the gifts creeps in.

So, I say with Paul, “Wretched [wo]man that I am!  Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (7:24)

And then Paul answers, “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!”  It’s Jesus who delivers us from this body of death.  And there is no condemnation for me.  I wage war on the sinful members of my body and in my inner being I rejoice in God’s loving commandments and His good gifts.  So God is God, good gifts are not.  But good gifts are free to be embraced as good when God is my Treasure and Sweet Reward.

Has sin ever taken a good thing in order to try and produce death through it in your life?

all of life is waiting

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, everyday, 3 Comments on all of life is waiting

Isn’t it true?

I’m hard-pressed to think of a time when I’m not waiting for something.

Some things take a long time to wait for, other things are short waits.  And there are even things we wait for that never happen.  Sometimes we wait for things and we don’t know what they are.

We wait for vacation time, and we wait to come home.  We wait for the right person.  We wait for the big question and the wedding day.  We wait for pregnancy and we wait for the birth of a child.

We wait for a friend to call and we wait to call a friend.  We wait for the big game and for the snacks to be ready.  We wait for people to arrive and we wait for them to go home (hopefully not too often).

We wait for the flowers to bloom and we wait another day to cut the grass.  We wait for a better job or we wait for a raise or we wait to be fired.  We wait for payday.

We wait for Sunday to come around and we wait for the kids to get better.  We wait for test results and we wait for the evening when we can crash.  We wait for our kids to know Jesus as their Savior.

We wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We wait for Good Friday and we especially wait for Easter Sunday.  We wait for the coming again of the Lord and we wait for the glory of God in heaven.

All this waiting got me thinking about the things we don’t have to wait for.  I don’t have to wait for the coming of the Holy Spirit.  He lives in me and counsels me.  I don’t have to wait for a Savior.  The Savior has come and salvation is mine through Jesus Christ.  I don’t have to wait for God to make Himself known.  He is known through His Word that I can read as often as I want.

I don’t have to wait to be comforted by the Comforter, or to be known by the all-knowing God.

The biggest matters of life, I do not have to wait for.  God has satisfied the waiting time with His Son and His Spirit.

Yet, on Earth, waiting for a million other things, some very important, remains.  And what an opportunity to trust God and to know that as we wait, we wait on Him.  I say with David:

“I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord.”

What have you been waiting on lately?

grace on difficult days

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, everyday, sorrow4 Comments on grace on difficult days

Everybody has rough days.  Hard days.  Painful days.  Difficult days.

It’s one of the things every human has in common, isn’t it?  It’s easy to become myopic on these days.

Lately I’ve been trying to recognize what God’s grace looks like in my life on these difficult days.  Intellectually I know that God’s grace may very well be the difficulty.  But in the midst of it, I rarely feel this.   Although knowing it does make a huge difference.

Anyway, today I’m making a small list of how God’s grace is felt by me in the hard moments.. sometimes moments that string along for days or weeks.

1) I feel God’s grace when my 5-yr-old daughter sees my difficulty and ministers to me by offering to play with her younger sister in the other room.  Thank you Lord.

2) I feel God’s grace through a husband who’s willing to do whatever it takes to make sure his wife is well-cared for.

3) I feel God’s grace when phone call from a stranger jars me out of some unhelpful thoughts and unwittingly reveals that my life is really a string of blessing upon blessing.

4) I feel God’s grace in Advil Liquid Gels.

5) I feel God’s grace in a messy house that is evidence that we have friends who like us enough to come to our home and stay for a few hours.  I wish it lasted longer.

6) I feel God’s grace in a schedule that is empty today, but full tomorrow, and keeps me from drowning at home.

7) I feel God’s grace in the ministry of His Word.  It is powerful.  It is active.  It contains the power and Person of the Gospel, which I need.  Everyday.

8) I feel God’s grace in the gift of prayer.  The Spirit and the Lord Jesus make it possible for me to pray to God the Father.  They cover me and utter for me.  They bring me to the throne of a Tender Father, not a wrathful one.

9) I feel God’s grace in the sun heating up my back as I type this.  And a house with many windows that lets it stream in.  And when I’m done I will turn around and soak it in on my face and my eyeballs.

10) I feel God’s grace in that, when I sat down, I only had 4 or 5 things to list as His felt grace for today, but He is faithful in showing me many more.  More than I could ever record.

How are you experiencing His grace today?

a provocative reality for parents

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, everyday, family, , , 4 Comments on a provocative reality for parents

Apart from their own sin nature, it’s almost certain that I will be the single biggest influence of sin in my children’s lives.

What do you think?  Do you own that?

Here’s why I own that and continue parenting with boldness(instead of throwing in the towel in hopelessness): Christ and His work on the Cross makes all the sin that I commit around and against my children an opportunity for them to see the effective and redemptive work of the Savior in their sinful mother’s life.

Do I sin willingly or without shame and grief: no, no, no.  But the grief that accompanies the sin, the confession and repentance and forgiveness that happen, are the primary ways my children will actually be able to see the Gospel with their own eyes.

And I pray that seeing it day after day, reading it in the Word day after day, that they will want to taste it for themselves.  And that God will call them to taste and see that He is good.  That He is sweeter than honey.  That the Person of Jesus is wonderful and terrifying and gracious and uncompromising and more than they could ever exhaustively know.

Yet that they will long for more of the knowledge of God and His Son and will pursue it with the complete devotion of bought and paid for children of the Heavenly Father.

the lynchpin of deep, lasting friendship: commitment.

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, everyday, , 9 Comments on the lynchpin of deep, lasting friendship: commitment.

Think of your closest and oldest friend.

How is that you are still friends with that person after years and years of life changes, moves, babies, marriages, conflicts, sin, and intrusions?  Or maybe a better question is: do you have a friend with which you’ve experienced a range of life and disagreements and have still maintained an uncommonly close bond?  If not, why not?

I think the reason we don’t experience deep and lasting friendships is absence of commitment.  It’s like if you were simply shacking up with your husband instead of in a committed covenant.  It wouldn’t make for a very trusting relationship.  I think the same is true for friendship.  And yes, it matters what that commitment’s foundation is: namely Christ and the cross.

Real friendship cannot begin until the question of commitment is settled.  If you’re not sure I’m committed to you and our friendship, no matter what you may do or have done, then you’ll never risk the kind of sharing and loving and living life together that reveals who you are with me. (I’m not suggesting friendship with no conditions, but as few as possible Biblically).

I think this is what stunts our friendships in the body of Christ at the more shallow levels (especially at large churches).  We end up with 100 friends all of whom have seen the best of us, none of whom really know us.

True friendship is hindered when we can’t be certain that we won’t be dropped for another friend who’s a little more charismatic, witty, and enjoyable.

Because if you really knew me, you’d know I’m boring 75% of the time.  And unless you’re committed to me, you’re not going to hang out at my house all day when my dull personality is on display.

Unless you’ve decided your love for me is constant, you won’t endure the conflicts that happen; or the times of sorrow; or the moments of drama.  You won’t care enough to point me to Christ in my sin.  You’ll trade it in for the next new shiny friendship that comes along with all it’s start-up excitement and fun.

And if I’m not committed to you, I’ll shut-down the moment I think you’ve drifted away.  I’ll quit caring and quit pursuing.  I’ll decide it’s not worth the trouble and look for friendship elsewhere.  I won’t invite you over, because I’ll think you’re the kind of friend who needs my “A” game to enjoy time together, when all I’ve got today is a sub-par “C” game.

I think of David and Jonathan whose friendship was a soul-uniting commitment unparalleled in the Bible.  I think of Ruth whose commitment to Naomi and her God made her a direct ancestor to Jesus!  What freedom from fear there is in commitment!

Being a part of the body of Christ is an amazingly high calling.  It’s so high it baffles me.  And to think that we are to be committed to the body in such a life-altering way is overwhelming.  But what freedom there is in a commitment based on Christ and the Cross!!!  Commitment means whether near or far, the love and relationship remains, because it’s based on something bigger than location.

It means I’m called to love and live life with those God puts directly in my path.  It means I can lovingly say goodbye to those people when they move far away.  It means we never have to form cliques.  It means we can embrace new friendships, because they don’t threaten the old ones.

Paradoxically, commitment based on the cross means we’re more willing to let go of people.  We hold onto them loosely, knowing that we are bound in Christ forever.  The very commitment that knits our lives together in Christ, also allows that knitting together to be disrupted for the sake of Christ, trusting that we are one in Him for eternity.

I’m thanking God for the friends He’s given me that are committed to our friendship.  Not a commitment based on my worth, but on Christ’s.

One more thing: Check out a insightful post about friendship and indebtedness by Andy.

note to self: be a drop-out.

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, confessions, everyday, family, , 5 Comments on note to self: be a drop-out.

I sporadically participate in a competitive world of comparisons.

Note to self: drop out.

This is a plague for moms of every stripe.  Especially young moms with young kids (I think anyway, but who knows maybe it infects the moms with older kids too).

It’s as simple as seeing another child do well at something and, instead of rejoicing for them and moving on, we check to see how our child measures up and are either happy or disappointed at the result.

Or perhaps we see the deftness with which another mom disciplines her kids and we immediately begin to think of what we would have done and find that we fall very short.

So, I say it’s time to drop out of the competitive comparison rat race.  I’ve only dropped out a ga-zillion times before.  But somehow, without realizing it I find myself re-enlisted.

I need to love my kids more by not basing their success on the observation of other individuals who are very different from them in every respect.  Instead  I should focus on who God has made my children to be and expect growth, not perfection.

The same goes for myself.  Concentrate on growth in who God has made me to be.  Cling to Jesus’ sufficiency.

And the dirty little secret is that when we base our children’s success or worth on a standard outside the Bible, such as the measure of other children, we are not loving our kids, we are using them to fulfill our own need and desire for happiness in them through their good behavior or achievement.  We are observing what we think will bring us happiness in the behavior or achievement of other people’s children and applying it to our own kids.

The Bible tells us our children are valuable because God made them.  They are gifts to us.

Plus, the standard of “other people’s children” or the way “other parent’s parent” will never be a high enough standard.  We will be selling ourselves short of the biblical mandates that are the BEST for us and come with the power of Christ working in us to help us in our weaknesses!

I will make a disclaimer here, however, that not all comparisons are bad.  Only the bad ones are bad.  The ones that make you upset with who God has made you and your children to be.  The ones that stir up discontentment and produce smugness or condemnation or apathy.

There is a type of comparison that stirs us up to love and good deeds, that inspires, strengthens and convicts.  I know this kind of comparison because it happens when we are surrounded by people who want the best for us and our kids and who we experience unconditional love with and for.

This good “comparing,” or observing, models for us Biblical commandment-keeping in action.

It happens when I see the families in our small group lovingly parent their kids towards Christ and obedience and I’m inspired and grow in my love for God and for my kids.  Or when I see another mom, humble and lowly, not using her kids to show-off (Lord forgive me for the times I’ve done this), simply nurturing them in the instruction of the Lord.

Comparisons are complicated.  If we’re engaged in them in order to make ourselves feel good about ourselves, the opposite will eventually happen; we’ll feel deficient and we’ll see our children as deficient (and if we don’t smugness and ugliness will overtake us).  But if we look at what godly brothers and sisters do with an attitude of humility, love and learning, we will learn and grow and love.

So, yep, I’m a drop-out.  But just of that bad, competitive kind of comparing.  The other kind I’ll keep: it’s valuable stuff!

autumn resolutions

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, everyday, , 2 Comments on autumn resolutions

I’ll let Pastor John say it better than I could:

“God approves of New Year’s resolutions. And mid-year, and three-quarters-year, and monthly, and weekly, and daily resolutions. Any and all resolutions for good have God’s approval—if we resolve by faith in Jesus.

I would like to encourage you to make some autumn resolutions. Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Well, theexamined life is not worth living either if the examination produces no resolutions. What examination and experience teach us is that the unplanned life settles into fruitless routine. The drifting life—the coasting, que-sera-sera, unreflective life—tends to be a wasted life.

The opposite of this is self-examination—life-examination, routine-examination, schedule-examination, heart-examination—followed by “resolves for good.” That’s what I encourage you to do. Here’s why I think God will be pleased when you do this by faith in Jesus.

Paul says in 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12,

“To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.”

I find this extremely encouraging. Paul prays for us—and I pray for you even as I write this—that God will “fulfill every resolve for good” that we have. This means that it is good to have resolves. God approves of it. It also means that our resolving is important, but that God’s enabling us to “fulfill” the resolves is crucial. Paul wouldn’t pray if God’s help weren’t needed. “The heart of manplans [resolves!] his way, but the Lord establishes [fulfills!] his steps” (Proverbs 16:9).

But it matters how we resolve. When Paul says, “every resolve for good and every work of faith,” he is not describing two different acts. He is describing one act in two ways. It is a “resolve for good” because we will it. It is a “work of faith” because we depend on Jesus to give us power to fulfill it. That’show we resolve—by faith in Jesus.

So Paul says that the fulfilling of the resolve is “by his power.” That’s what we are depending on. That’s what we are looking for when we resolve. We are looking to Jesus who promised to be with us and help us. “I know that through . . . the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance” (Philippians 1:19).

This explains the words “so that” in Paul’s prayer: “…so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you.” When you resolve something good and trust in the power of Jesus to help you do it, then “the name of our Lord Jesus is glorified.” If you depend on your willpower, your name will be glorified.

So Christian resolutions are different from the world’s resolutions. We believe that by grace alone we have been “called”—that is, captured by the truth and beauty of Christ. We resolve things not to make God be for us, but because he is already for us—that’s what his call makes plain. He opens our eyes to see and trust Christ. He shows us, in the cross, that he is totally for us. All our resolves are to walk more worthily of this calling.

They are faith resolves—faith that we are loved and called and justified. And faith that therefore Jesus will help us do what we resolve to do. When we resolve like that, the name of our Lord Jesus is magnified.

So pause sometime soon. Pause and examine your life this autumn. Examine what is missing that should be there. What is there that should be removed? What new dreams for ministry might you venture? What new habits do you want to build into your Fall schedule?

Remember: God will be pleased with new resolves for good if you resolve by faith in Jesus. I am praying for you “that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power.'”

Are you making any resolutions this fall?  I’ll leave mine in the comments.