the teacher I never knew I was

By: Abigail Dodds
confessions, everyday, family, homeschool, 6 Comments on the teacher I never knew I was

I never wanted to be a teacher.

Not ever.

When I was a kid and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I never said “teacher.”  I looked at my many friends pursuing teaching degrees in college with a mixture of pity and wonderment.  Pity because of all the busy work in those horrid education classes*.  And wonderment because, to me, it was the height of self-sacrifice.

When I was 10 or so and my best friend would set up “school” for us to play, it took all the enthusiasm I could muster to go along.  She’d happily stand at the front with ruler in hand pointing at the board, going over lesson after lesson, while I’d sit on the floor, the dutiful student waiting for school to get out.

Now that I’m a homeschooling mom, teaching is my life.  Let’s face it, if you’re a mom, period, teaching is a big part of your life, even if you’re not homeschooling.  Everything about having kids involves teaching.

But, shockingly, I love to teach.  There, I said it.  I love to teach my kids.  And no one could be more surprised about it than I am.  Yes, it’s hard work and yadda yadda yadda, but what I didn’t know was that it is also incredibly rewarding and exciting.

I’ve always loved to learn.  I could have stayed in school for a very long time and been quite happy, I think.  Teaching my kids gives me an opportunity to continue learning and it also has pushed my relationship with my kids to levels that I wouldn’t have anticipated.

Looking at curriculum, getting to decide what fits my kids and our family best, reading and reading and reading some more, it’s awakened the teacher in me that I never knew I was.

Having my daughter read a book to me and knowing that I had a hand, the hand, in teaching her to do that, is a reward better than any degree I could earn.  And, at least I got to avoid the busy work!

*Not all teaching degrees require horrid busy work.  That’s just my perception. 🙂

hospitality principles and tips, by an amateur

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, culture, everyday, family17 Comments on hospitality principles and tips, by an amateur

Admittedly, I’m no expert on hospitality.  But, even being the novice that I am, I’ve gleaned some insights over the years that may be helpful for some.

Plus, if hospitality is something you’ve neglected, the holiday season is a great time to dive in and make practicing hospitality a regular occurrence in every season.

And, if nothing else, they’re helpful for me to remind myself.  Sometimes I don’t do what I know I ought.  Motives become convoluted and priorities get misplaced.

So, here are some tips [note: I claim no originality.  I’m certain everything I’m about to write has been said before by people who follow through on them better than I do.]

1) Have people over to your house.  Novel, I know.  But, it’s where it all starts.  If you don’t have people in your home regularly, you may be the most organized, hospitable person in the world and it will all be for naught.

2) Have people over frequently and on short notice.  (I’m not too good at the short notice part).  But, I do force myself to say yes as often as I can to a “short notice” opportunity.  This is incredibly liberating.  It will teach you that you can enjoy someone’s company even when there are dishes in the sink and dust on the mantle.

3) Don’t turn hospitality into “entertaining.”  Entertaining is a code-word for showing-off.  Perfectly clean house, perfectly prepared food, perfectly arranged decor becomes primary.

And at the center of it all is you, the entertainer.  “Look at all that I did and how wonderfully I did it.  Admire my home, my food, my effort,” is the heart of the entertainer, as opposed to the one offering hospitality, who humbly shares all they have out of love for others and God.

4) Don’t let your home be so messy or dirty that it’s a distraction.  This can be just as detrimental as the “entertainer” problem.  As much as people may say it doesn’t matter, having a reasonably-ordered home does matter.  It is uncomfortable to be in a pig sty.

5) Include your guests as part of your family.  Invite them to participate in everything.  If it’s your custom to sing and pray before dinner, fold them into that activity.

6) Let your guests give you a hand.  If your guests ask if they can help with something, let your usual answer be, “Yes!”  There are two reasons to do this: firstly, you probably could use the help, and, secondly, most people feel more comfortable when they’re useful.

7) Have saints and strangers over.  The Bible is explicit that it’s very important to show hospitality to saints (Romans 12:13, 1 Peter 4:9), meaning fellow Christians, and to strangers (Hebrews 13:2).  (Again, I’m bad at the stranger part.  We’ve lived at our home for 4 years and only had strangers over a handful of times).  This takes intentionality and effort.

8) Have large and intimate gatherings.  Have 30 people over, then have 1.

9) Treat all your guests the same when it comes to the work you put into it.  Don’t make everything extra nice for people with status that you admire or rich people and let things go for others.  Do not show favoritism.  Sometimes we do this without realizing it.

10) Be conversational!  Talk!  Share!  Share more than just your food and home, share your very self.  Offer your opinions and ask for other people’s.  Give people a peek at your history and ask about theirs.

11) Invite unlikely and likely people over: the person who is alone or lonely; the person who has a special diet (I need to work on this..); the big family who feels like they put people at an imposition; loud people and quiet people; the person who seems to abound with friends and busy-ness (sometimes these people get overlooked because of these facts); the person who is always having people over to their house (they would probably be blessed by the offer).

12) Don’t be “hospitable” for worldly gain.  If you’re having people over to sell them things or earn free gifts or garner status and connections with someone, it’s not hospitality.  It’s not necessarily wrong to do, it’s just not hospitality.

There are many benefits to being hospitable: meeting neat people, making friends, deepening existing friendships.  The list could go on.  But even these benefits should not be our primary reason for being hospitable.  We are hospitable because of duty (God commands it) and delight (his commands produce godliness and joy in us).  We are hospitable because we genuinely care about others.

Finally, I’ll give this piece of advice, which isn’t about being hospitable, but rather about learning to be a good receiver: accept invitations to other people’s homes when offered and allow them to practice hospitality with you.

I know I missed a million things that should be added to the list.  Anyone want to fill it out for me with a tip or two?

pregnancy after miscarriage

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, family, sorrow, 9 Comments on pregnancy after miscarriage

It’s not an easy topic for me.

But it is what I’m living with day after day.  And in my naivete I thought it would be easier.

Not that being pregnant now isn’t a blessing.  Not that it isn’t exciting and wonderful and anticipatory.  It is.  And I thank God for it.

But it’s also scarier.  Like the shine has come off of the penny.  And it’s more real– less myopic, if that makes any sense.

Strangely enough the easiest person to talk to about the new baby is my 5-year-old daughter Eliza.  Probably because every single time we talk about the new baby in mommy’s tummy, when we end, she always finishes up by saying, “if this one doesn’t die.”

All our plans and hopes and speculation may happen, “if this baby doesn’t die.”  She couldn’t be more right.  She acknowledges and actually speaks out loud what I am thinking most of the time and don’t have the guts to say.

Plus, by saying, “if this baby lives,” she is remembering the baby who didn’t live.  Not many people do that.  I’m sure it would be a hard thing to do, if you’re a friend.  But, I’ll speak for myself when I say, remembering matters.  It’s validating, albeit sad, to fill out a form at the doctor that lists this pregnancy as my 5th, even though, if/when this baby is born it will be my 4th child to bring home.  It’s validating, because, at least in some small clinical way, it’s remembering.

Remembering with words matters.  Speaking things out loud matters.

What a gift to me that Eliza gets it.  And what a gift that she isn’t taking this new one for granted.  She doesn’t pray for it to be a girl or a boy.  She just prays that he or she will live (although, without realizing it she’s started to refer to the baby as “her”).

I pray the same thing as Eliza.  And I spend a lot of time praying that God would make me treasure Him so much, that somehow, if I lost another, I would grab hold of Him in the darkness, and be willing to trust that He is good.  Again.

Tomorrow is my 16 week checkup.  This baby is more than twice as old as the last one lived to be.  What an impact those short weeks of life and subsequent death had on me.  They have made me more thankful and less entitled about the past 16 weeks of new life.

Romans 8:18

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed in us.”

a provocative reality for parents

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, everyday, family, , , 4 Comments on a provocative reality for parents

Apart from their own sin nature, it’s almost certain that I will be the single biggest influence of sin in my children’s lives.

What do you think?  Do you own that?

Here’s why I own that and continue parenting with boldness(instead of throwing in the towel in hopelessness): Christ and His work on the Cross makes all the sin that I commit around and against my children an opportunity for them to see the effective and redemptive work of the Savior in their sinful mother’s life.

Do I sin willingly or without shame and grief: no, no, no.  But the grief that accompanies the sin, the confession and repentance and forgiveness that happen, are the primary ways my children will actually be able to see the Gospel with their own eyes.

And I pray that seeing it day after day, reading it in the Word day after day, that they will want to taste it for themselves.  And that God will call them to taste and see that He is good.  That He is sweeter than honey.  That the Person of Jesus is wonderful and terrifying and gracious and uncompromising and more than they could ever exhaustively know.

Yet that they will long for more of the knowledge of God and His Son and will pursue it with the complete devotion of bought and paid for children of the Heavenly Father.

note to self: be a drop-out.

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, confessions, everyday, family, , 5 Comments on note to self: be a drop-out.

I sporadically participate in a competitive world of comparisons.

Note to self: drop out.

This is a plague for moms of every stripe.  Especially young moms with young kids (I think anyway, but who knows maybe it infects the moms with older kids too).

It’s as simple as seeing another child do well at something and, instead of rejoicing for them and moving on, we check to see how our child measures up and are either happy or disappointed at the result.

Or perhaps we see the deftness with which another mom disciplines her kids and we immediately begin to think of what we would have done and find that we fall very short.

So, I say it’s time to drop out of the competitive comparison rat race.  I’ve only dropped out a ga-zillion times before.  But somehow, without realizing it I find myself re-enlisted.

I need to love my kids more by not basing their success on the observation of other individuals who are very different from them in every respect.  Instead  I should focus on who God has made my children to be and expect growth, not perfection.

The same goes for myself.  Concentrate on growth in who God has made me to be.  Cling to Jesus’ sufficiency.

And the dirty little secret is that when we base our children’s success or worth on a standard outside the Bible, such as the measure of other children, we are not loving our kids, we are using them to fulfill our own need and desire for happiness in them through their good behavior or achievement.  We are observing what we think will bring us happiness in the behavior or achievement of other people’s children and applying it to our own kids.

The Bible tells us our children are valuable because God made them.  They are gifts to us.

Plus, the standard of “other people’s children” or the way “other parent’s parent” will never be a high enough standard.  We will be selling ourselves short of the biblical mandates that are the BEST for us and come with the power of Christ working in us to help us in our weaknesses!

I will make a disclaimer here, however, that not all comparisons are bad.  Only the bad ones are bad.  The ones that make you upset with who God has made you and your children to be.  The ones that stir up discontentment and produce smugness or condemnation or apathy.

There is a type of comparison that stirs us up to love and good deeds, that inspires, strengthens and convicts.  I know this kind of comparison because it happens when we are surrounded by people who want the best for us and our kids and who we experience unconditional love with and for.

This good “comparing,” or observing, models for us Biblical commandment-keeping in action.

It happens when I see the families in our small group lovingly parent their kids towards Christ and obedience and I’m inspired and grow in my love for God and for my kids.  Or when I see another mom, humble and lowly, not using her kids to show-off (Lord forgive me for the times I’ve done this), simply nurturing them in the instruction of the Lord.

Comparisons are complicated.  If we’re engaged in them in order to make ourselves feel good about ourselves, the opposite will eventually happen; we’ll feel deficient and we’ll see our children as deficient (and if we don’t smugness and ugliness will overtake us).  But if we look at what godly brothers and sisters do with an attitude of humility, love and learning, we will learn and grow and love.

So, yep, I’m a drop-out.  But just of that bad, competitive kind of comparing.  The other kind I’ll keep: it’s valuable stuff!

perinatal hospice: a grief conserved

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, culture, family, recommendations, sorrow, , 3 Comments on perinatal hospice: a grief conserved

My dad just had another article published in World Magazine.

It’s called, A Grief Conserved, and I recommend it.

Here’s how it begins:

“Something’s wrong with this baby,” my ultrasound technician told me. She had just scanned Mrs. Jones (a fictitious name) at 20 weeks and went on to describe her findings, findings that surely meant little chance of survival for that baby. As I later spoke with Mrs. Jones to relay the findings, she wept. I arranged an appointment with a maternal-fetal medicine (MFM) specialist.

The next day I received an urgent call from my patient. Through more tears, she described her visit in which the MFM doctor confirmed the grim prognosis. The baby would die, probably within a week or two. The MFM insisted on scheduling her for an abortion in three days. “Do I have to have an abortion?” she asked. I promised to call the MFM and assured her she did not have to abort.

The reality of unborn babies with fatal genetic abnormalities often goes un-talked about.  At least it seems that way to me.  I think it’s worth considering, especially for those of us who have had no reason to consider it: how we would handle a baby in utero that will almost inevitably die prior to birth?

The article continues:

“But what happens when a routine 20-week ultrasound shows a baby with a profound abnormality, possibly an abnormality that will certainly result in the death of the baby prior to or shortly after birth? Or when a genetic test is done and shows similar results and the patient then decides against abortion? What then?

Enter perinatal hospice, the brain child of Byron Calhoun, a pro-life maternal-fetal medicine specialist.

Perinatal hospice honors life. The woman carrying the disabled child receives extensive counseling and birth preparation involving the combined efforts of MFM specialists, OB/GYN doctors, neonatologists, anesthesia services, chaplains, pastors, social workers, labor and delivery nurses, and neonatal nurses. She carries the pregnancy to its natural conclusion. She and her husband are allowed to grieve and prepare for the short time God may grant them with their child while their baby lives inside or outside the womb. Such a process obviates the grief caused by elective abortion, killing the child before it could be born.

I think perinatal hospice is something worth knowing about and relaying to your friends.  We cannot know what the Lord may have in store for us.  Take a minute and read the rest of the article.  Here’s the last clip I’ll offer:

“Even those mystified by a patient choosing life have recognized the value of Calhoun’s idea, as perinatal hospice programs now dot the nation. But this mystery is no mystery to us. As Job 1:21 states, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

abortions drop in MN, 2008, but Planned Parenthood performs record numbers

By: Abigail Dodds
culture, family, politics, , 2 Comments on abortions drop in MN, 2008, but Planned Parenthood performs record numbers

This is good news!

MCCL reports that, “the Minnesota Department of Health released its annual Abortion Report for 2008, and reported abortions in Minnesota dropped more than six percent. The report shows that there were 12,948 abortions reported in 2008, compared to 13,843 the previous year. The 2008 total is the lowest number on record since 1975. Find more information about the Abortion Report and read our in-depth analysis on MCCL’s Web site.

Or check out our YouTube video message.”

However, there is more to the story.  

“Even though the number of abortions last year was the lowest in 33 years, Planned Parenthoodmanaged to increase its abortions to a record 3,948. Planned Parenthood performed nearly 1,200 more abortions than the next largest provider.

Another problem area the report points out is that taxpayer funded abortions rose from 28.6% to 29.8% of all abortions performed. This is the highest percentage since the Minnesota Supreme Court’s 1995 Doe vs. Gomez decision requiring taxpayer funding of elective abortions.”

If you aren’t aware of the great work done at MCCL, I hope you look at their website.  

Two years ago MCCL started the Positive Alternatives program which is a gov’t funded grant program whose funds go to Pregnancy Care Centers that offer clients life-affirming alternatives to abortion.  Positive Alternatives makes it crystal clear to women that no one can force them to have an abortion, and that there are always better options. 

It’s a strange irony that the gov’t both funds abortions, (through taxpayer dollars, unfortunately) and also provides grants to the centers who counsel for life.  

If you have been inactive for too long in the fight to save the unborn and want to take steps to do what you can for babies, moms, and dads, consider donating to MCCL, they literally save lives!

doctors and their fight against the death culture

By: Abigail Dodds
family, politics, recommendations, , 3 Comments on doctors and their fight against the death culture

I’m a big fan of WORLD magazine.  

I started reading it as a young teenager and have enjoyed and profited from it ever since.  

My dad (who blogs at mdviews) recently got an article published in WORLD, and I couldn’t be more excited about it!  My dad is an OB/GYN doctor and has been in the thick of the abortion issue for decades.  (Don’t worry, he’s not 90, only 56).  His (and my mom’s) stand for life has been very influential for me. 

He served on the board of Birthright, a Crisis Pregnancy Center, for many years.  And he’s never been ashamed of his pro-life views.  Quite the opposite.  He counsels women toward life.  

His article in WORLD is about the ever-increasing legal pressure being put on doctors to perform or refer for abortion and to provide euthanasia.  This is not new.  Although the pressure is mounting.

What is new to all of us non-doctors out here (and to be sure many doctors as well), is the formation of a band of physicians who agree to the Hippocratic Oath.  You may not know this, but doctors no longer take the Hippocratic Oath and they haven’t for quite some time.  

This new Registry of Hippocratic Doctors allows for doctors to differentiate themselves from the doctors of death (that is, unfortunately, many of them) and commit to protecting life in every circumstance.

Wouldn’t it be nice, as a patient, to know if your doctor embraced life as a virtue?  Wouldn’t you want to know beforehand that they were committed in everything to do no harm?  My dad outlines some of the key parts of the Hippocratic Oath that you’ll be very interested in. 

Go read it.  It’s definitely worth it.

what do you dream for your kids?

By: Abigail Dodds
family, kiddos, questions, 7 Comments on what do you dream for your kids?

We all have hopes for our kids.  

Mine are very big and very small at the same time.

I want big things: that they will know God, love God, serve and worship God and His Son Jesus.

And on the smaller side, I want them just to be better than me.  I want them to master the things I’m not mastering.  I want them to be a better spouse, a better parent, a better person, than I am.  

The hardest and surest way to that happening is for me to be better than I am, by God’s grace.

And probably the majority of my parenting (75%?) is fear-based (mostly God-fearing, but some man-fearing too).  I parent to avoid what I don’t want them to be.  With fear and trembling I realize that without God’s grace and His strong tools of discipline, instruction, and love (ie their parents) my kids will be left to themselves and their sin nature.  

I want to keep parenting in fear (the Godly, right kind).  But I also want to dream great and Godly dreams for my kids.  I want to expect the best and be ready for God’s blessings in their lives.  He is a good God.  He gives good gifts to His children.  

It’s ok to eagerly hope for and expect God’s working in their lives.  And dream big dreams for them.
IMG00024-20090519-1621

What are your fears and dreams for your kids?

10 ways to improve camping (for a non-camper like me)

By: Abigail Dodds
body of Christ, culture, everyday, family, , 10 Comments on 10 ways to improve camping (for a non-camper like me)

We went camping on Memorial Day weekend.  

For pictures and another perspective on the trip check out Andy’s post.

It was just one night, with our small group.  It was a lot of fun; beautiful surroundings and even more importantly, wonderful people.  The kids had an awesome time, and would probably make our permanent home a tent if they could.  

I could forgo the tent part in a heartbeat.

So, having had a day to reflect on our camping experience I have come up with some important things to keep in mind for next time.  You see, I’m new to camping.  

And camping isn’t exactly my first idea of “fun”.  It’s something that I have to work at having fun at.  And I think it’s probably something worth working on, which is why I’ve decided to write this list down for future reference.

1) Always, always, always bring an air mattress.  We slept on the ground.  And using the word “slept” to describe what happened while laying in the tent all night long is a stretch.  More like, laid in uncomfortable pain for many hours with my eyes closed pretending to be asleep.  

I realize that having the air mattress won’t change the ongoing night noises of camping (which also hinder sleep for a very light sleeper like myself) but at least I’ll be awake on a soft surface.  

2) Pay careful attention to the Movement of the Group (or, MOG).  It can happen in a split second and you never know when the MOG will do something unexpected (which will inevitably turn out to be the most fun thing to happen on the whole trip). I have a keen ability to be doing my own thing when the group is on the move, potentially doing something that will be the defining momentous occasion of the trip.  

Multiple times I found myself not doing what everyone else was, and having no idea where everyone was or how to find them.  It wasn’t anyone else’s fault; I just really need to improve my “group-looks-like-it-might-be-ready-for-a-move-and-I-better-pay-attention radar.”

3) Don’t sweat putting up the tent.  If it doesn’t go up perfectly right away, it is not a reflection of poor life skills or a sign that Mr. TommyD and I have a dysfunctional marriage.  Tents are tricky.  Especially if it’s a borrowed tent.  Putting up and taking down the tent is not a race or timed event.  

4) Bring a bib.  For heaven’s sake, bring a bib!  

5)And while your at it bring a broom and dustpan too,

6) Oh, and some coffee.  Don’t forget the coffee.

7) Go ahead and wash your hair in the outdoor faucet by the campsite.  Who cares what people think?  I would have been a much happier camper if I had been a little cleaner on the second day.  

8) Related to #1, just forget about sleep.  I actually already knew this going into it, but somehow still got caught up in the hope for decent sleep when we went to bed fairly early.  (Actually, it was just me and all the kids in the group who went to bed early.. see #9)

#9) Be sure to study up on the What Every Parent Intuitively Knows To Do While Camping Handbook.  Which doesn’t exist.  Because everyone already knows it.  The piece of the protocol I was unaware of was that after everyone gets into their tents as though they are going to sleep (psyche-out!), they just stay there long enough to get their kids to sleep, then come out and have a good time together.  

Mr. TommyD informed me of this after I was situated with PJ’s on and about to drift off to “sleep” with the kids.  At this point I thought, “Oh, they’ll just be up for a tiny bit and go to bed.. if I get up, it will be just in time for everyone to head to bed.”  I kept thinking this every 15 minutes for the next hour or so.  

Next time, I’ll get that right.

#10) I actually don’t have a number 10.  Except to remind myself that, as with everything, it’s about the people.  Enjoy the people, enjoy our family and let the rest go.  I’m not going to win a “best camper” award.  I will probably always be a little bit out of my comfort zone while camping.  

But I do want to be about loving people, loving my family and being a happy and delighted child of God, if not always a “happy camper.”  And I couldn’t have asked for better company this weekend.  I got to witness four other amazing families enjoying each other and God’s creation.  

I got to get to know them a bit better and the more I know them, the more I love them.  I love that they take an interest in my kids and spur us on to be better parents and spouses.  And it was a chance to get to know something (ie camping) that my husband really enjoys, and through that, to get to know him a little better too. 

All in all, I say, “Bring it on.  I’m ready for next time.”